“FROM A CATERPILLAR TO A BUTTERFLY”

By: Cindy Loader

Having just returned from a seminar that I attended with my students, I started thinking about how Belly Dancing has changed my life.

As a child, we lived in a two-room log cabin in the mountains of Colorado. Can you imagine, six kids, no telephone, and no indoor plumbing? My folks slept in the cabin, and we slept in an old granary. We warmed bricks on the fireplace, wrapped them in towels and put them at our feet to keep warm. We used a coal stove for cooking, lanterns for light, and an old aluminum tub for baths. In the summer time, I rode my horse seven miles to the mailbox every day. My horse was my best friend and very important to me because we weren’t allowed to socialize with worldly people. We were very poor and very religious. Dancing, television, movies, jewelry, and make-up were unacceptable.

At school, if the teacher called on me, my legs would turn to rubber and my heart would pound in my throat. My voice would squeak and everyone would laugh. I wanted to crawl in hole; Instead, I would go home and ride my horse. I made it through school, but I still felt like a lost little girl.

I was 20 years old when I married my husband Mark; I felt as if my knight in shining armor had arrived. Some people thought I was marrying him to get out of the house, but I knew that he was the only one for me. I had two children by the time I was 23 and planned to stay home and keep house for the rest of my life. I clung to Mark like a drowning person would hang onto a life preserver. I knew that I was strangling him, but I didn’t know what to do about it. He had so much patience with me; I guess he knew there was a real person in there somewhere.

One day, when I was 26, I overheard some women talking about Belly Dancing and how good it made them feel. When I told Mark, he almost pushed me out the door for classes. I started out so awkwardly and stiff, I didn’t think I would ever really dance. I was ready to give up several times in the first five years, but Mark wouldn’t hear of it. He noticed that I gradually was becoming less dependent and that I was displaying vital personality that had been previously undeveloped. I found that I liked myself better. It wasn’t in my plans to perform; I was just enjoying how the dance made me feel about myself.

My first performance was with all the students and their families and friends. I was so nervous, I didn’t think I could even stand, let alone --dance! But, somehow I did! I felt so good afterwards that I wanted to dance again-- I knew that I was on the road to being my own person, instead of a puppet. Pretty soon, I was dancing in at troupe. It was fun, but we had to make new costumes for almost every performance and there was seldom any financial return. I was a homemaker and mother at the time, so money was scarce. Then one day, I was hired to perform at a local nightclub during intermission of a lingerie show. I wasn’t sure about dancing by myself, but with Mark’s encouragement, I performed every week until the show’s conclusion and I loved it more each performance. With each performance, I grew a little. The only criticism I heard was from a talent scout who said I had talent, but that it was very important for me to make eye contact. I never forgot that and I’m still harping on my students about how important it is. I’ve found, that if the crowd isn’t the best, just make eye contact with them and smile; they’re yours!

I was on my way to being independent. My mother-in-law wasn’t happy about the change in me, but my husband was pleased.

In 1979, we started our own Office Coffee Service, Coffee Craze. I did all the coffee deliveries so I met many people. As you know, offices have birthday parties and need entertainment. I had business cards made and started performing under "Jewels of the Nile." My trademark was my candle dance with floor work, which went over very well, especially for birthdays, because they got to blow out the candle.

I encourage my students to learn from other dancers and teachers, because I’ve found everyone has something different to give and there is always more to learn. There are a few that have made a big impression on me and my growth in dance.

Suzanna Del Veccio --- helped me to be more graceful.

Delilah --- made me realize that I was dancing for the joy of dancing and not just for the audience.

Scirocco --- gave me confidence in myself. Positive comments from someone so respected in the dance community helped me overcome huge feelings of inadequacy.

Beata and Horacio --- presented the most exciting seminar I’ve ever been to! The electricity in their classes and performances put me on a high I’ve never felt before. It made me realize that no matter what happens in my life, I can always be a Belly Dancer.

This year and the age of 43, I celebrated my 23rd wedding anniversary with Mark, who is my best friend. If he hadn’t encouraged me to keep dancing, I wouldn’t be who I am today. I’m involved in three businesses with Mark. Coffee Craze is our mainstay. Mountain Breeze Hot Air Ballooning keeps us in touch with early morning nature. Jewels of the Nile Belly Dancing has helped me to grow from a shy caterpillar to a sparkling butterfly. With my newfound confidence, I was able to chair the " Red Carpet Committee" of the Chamber of Commerce, which has given me recognition in our community as a leader and a contributor. Teaching Belly Dancing and helping other women to grow within themselves has been both fun and rewarding. Creating dance outfits for myself and my students gives me a real sense of accomplishment. I feel that Belly Dancing can be mentally as well as physically fulfilling.

Belly Dancing is more fun and less expensive than a psychiatrist. It takes you to a natural high!

© 2003 Cindy Loader.